the total: 19!!

it has been almost three months now since my summer began now it is the end of july and i totaled the count. i have slept in 19 beds since may 1st.  i could hardly believe it when i was laying in bed number 19 in california as counted all of the random places i have been able to sleep.  

it has by far been one of the most challenging summer’s i have ever had.  i look back to the past few months and realize this summer has been a lot like the summer of 2003, that was the summer that i had my back surgery.  (can you even believe it, it has been 3 years since that all happened).  i remember the feeling of perservance in 2003 and this summer i have used the word endurance to describe situations that i have gone through.  i feel like this summer i have been able to experience hebrews 12. i have been disciplined by God on profound levels. 

i always thought that the word discipline was harsh and full of disturbing correction.  but if you would ask me what i think today, i would tell you a very different tale.  i believe that his discipline is tender.  patient.  loving. and gentle. that has been my experience this summer, he has worked very hard to correct areas of my thinking, re-establish emotional boundaries,  challenge my work out routine and provide new depth to my search for was is true.  it has been painfully hard for me to walk through, because what happened was my grip was loosened and areas of my heart that were stubbornly controlling were corrected.  new perspective is what i have at the end of july after a thorough season of discipline.

i will hopefully never cringe at hebrews 12 again.  i will embrace it, because the process that i endured this summer has provided a new sense of ease and a spirit of invitation towards God’s correction.  because i am more like him now than in june.

i believe that the community of people that i was a part of this summer provided grace, patience, love and tenderness was a tangible representation of God’s heart. that is where healing took place.  it was in houses, apartments, condos and hotels that i found corrective healing from my Father.  he loved me well, in all 19 locations of rest he brought his refinement to me.

but do not get me wrong, i did my share of kicking and screaming along the way.

  

fare thee well, good journey

sunday, colorado gave me an experience that was magical.  fairies.  dragons.  knights in shining armor.  villages.  it was a medieval festival that was absolutely unexplainable.  the setting was tucked away in the mountains with landscape that looked like it was painted.  cobblestone roads led us through the mountainous village as the knights and maidens surrounded us.  it was the most magical environment i have experienced in months.  my cousin andrew and i just thoroughly soaked in the entirety of the day, the sun was baking our skin as we had permanent smiles on our face.

i am not sure if knights in shining armor and fairy maidens really exist outside of the festival gate walls, but for a day i was able to step into what once was a reality for a culture of people who lived the renaissance experience. this was their day in and day out life. and because of that we now have an understanding of rebirth.  c.s. lewis reminded me yesterday that our entire journeys are meant to be like the renaissance, full of new birth.  connecting the before and attaching it to the present, which then brings wholeness to the future we are longing to see created.  this was an empowering and challenging day for me, seeing such a newness of rebirth.

i do not know if you will ever get to see first hand jousting or watch knights carry their maiden off into the distance, but i do hope that one day you will be able to experience the feeling of rebirth that is energizing.  it was one of the few landscapes that i have ever seen that made me think, “the garden of eden must have been something like this.”

so, fare thee well …. continue on traveling.  creating.  and birthing newness. 

good journey, my friend.

prada warfare while celebrating freedom

america celebrates. red and white checkered tablecloths cover more tables today than any other day.  i love that sprinklers and BBQ’s remind us of freedom.

i was very ready to start my day because i knew i would be able to spend a lot of time reading a challenging book entitled, this day we fight: breaking the bondage of a passive spirit, by francis frangipane (i highly recommend it!). i literally read about ten pages and had to put the book down because i had a headache.  the truth that is presented in this literally work of art calls my soul into places of challenge that have been untouched for quite some time.  the work of the holy spirit in connection with intercession breaks spiritual bondage. warfare is called into question when we press the lines of the enemy.  psalm 18 has given me a new understanding of fighting blamelessly with God’s strength.

i put the book down as i was challenged to break areas of passivity in my shadow. i walked away with a headache.

the devil wears prada was another work of art (if i can say that) that gave me a headache today, but for a much different reason. the brokenness of the women in this film broke my spirit.  sadly enough  i was also affected by this movie because i could see myself living with the pressures  these women experienced.  beauty.  style.  the look.  attitudes.  pressure to succeed. and a heartless, relentless pursuit of femininity vs. femininity. 

why does it have to be this way? why the constant pain for women? i have concluded it is because the enemy is after the gift that we were given as women in the garden, our beauty.  consistently we sense this pressure from our  own gender as well as the opposite.  we don’t know how to live in style, but we definitely know when we are out of it. 

i pleaded with the holy spirit for humankind today.  i asked him to teach us women how to comprehend a healthy balance of what is internal and what is external.  i begged him to take away the edge of the pain that we feel as women because of our daily challenges with ourown beauty and how the world has lied to us.  i asked him to communicate with men about how to lovingly challenge women toward their fullest potential of beauty, but also graciously respond to us when we are attacked with fierce hatred.  and i asked him, how long must this remain? because i know all things are going to become new. 

the tree of life will one day be fully experienced. and then we will know freedom.